That April 1st publication date is coming up fast. It's time for me to go (in my quiet and thoughtful way, of course) into 'hard sell' mode. So here goes...
23 Darned Good Reasons to Buy ‘Wilful Misunderstandings’
1 It has an attractive and colourful front cover that will look good on your coffee table.
2 You cannot resist purchasing the work of anyone who has been described as ‘quirky’.
3 No story in the book is more than 2000 words long, so if you’re not enjoying the one you’re reading, you won’t have a long wait ‘til the next.
4 Ownership of this book will distinguish you as an authentic individual.
5 Ownership of this book will demonstrate irrevocably that you are not a prey to the pernicious marketing techniques that currently dominate the publishing industry and do not restrict your tastes to ‘best sellers’.
6 At 34 stories for £8.95 you are getting incredibly good value for money – how can you go wrong at a mere 26.323529411 pence per story?
7 You ARE too hip for genre, just like it says on the back cover blurb, and you have realised this book was written precisely for the likes of you.
8 Although there is a vanishingly remote chance that this book will be the surprise left field publishing hit of 2016, imagine if it was… and you had bought it at the time of publication, long before all the hoopla began. Kudos or what?
9 You are one of the small number of people who saw some of the comics stories I wrote back in the 1990s and you’re curious to know what I’m up to now.
10 You need to satisfy your curiosity as to what value Alan Moore, Sally Spedding, Jamie Delano and a few other people you might have heard of have all seen in this book.
11 You have £8.95 burning a hole in your pocket and you just can’t think what to do with it
12 You need a gift for someone else to whom all or some of these reasons apply.
13 Purchased in bulk, copies of this book would make excellent (if somewhat expensive) loft insulation.
14 There is a gap of approximately 23 millimetres spine width in your book shelf that needs filling.
15 You have read all my previous blogs and decided that you too need to develop the mental flexibility that my book could conceivably confer and that might just help us get through the next few decades without wrecking every ecosystem on the planet.
16 You are a fan of adult colouring books and would get pleasure from colouring in the various line work designs that appear on blank pages between stories in this book (as previewed in this blog).
17 You love the smell of freshly printed books and just can’t get enough of sniffing them.
18 You are one of my few surviving relatives.
19 I owe you money and you think if enough people buy this book, you just might get it back
20 You are looking for 34 enjoyable stories, most of which have beginnings, middles and ends, that will not – on the whole – tax your brain too heavily, but will nevertheless leave you with the feeling that you have read something worth your time, money and effort.
21 You just like the idea of reading a book that isn’t quite like any other book you’ve ever read.
22 Turn it upside down and the back cover will also look nice on your coffee table.
23 You feel sorry for any bugger who wastes his time thinking of 23 reasons why you should buy his book and you reckon he needs to earn enough money to buy himself the counselling and psychiatric support he obviously requires.